I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the little ways we pressure each other to spend money. A couple of examples that popped up yesterday:
1. My friend is leaving the company, and I bought her lunch last week as a goodbye. Now, there’s a larger social lunch that’s being planned for Friday. This one involves lots of people from the office, and I feel like I can’t say no b/c everyone will know that I don’t have anything else to do. So now I “have” to go out to lunch again with the group to celebrate her new job.
2. My running buddy hates running in the cold weather and has recently been pressuring me to join a gym so we can run on treadmills together. So far, I’ve put him off, but I’m not sure how long it will last; it’s been a pretty mild fall.
All this makes me even more aware of the ways I pressure people to spend money around me: that time I suggested that my friend and I go see a show, or when I persuade one of my friends to meet me at a bar instead of going home, or a million other little ways that I don’t think about but that I’m sure impact others. Even the most frugal of us spends some money, and the way we do has an impact on the lives of those around us.
Is it just me, or are others thinking about these issues, too? How do you address it when others are (unknowingly) pressuring you to spend money? How aware are you of how you pressure others?
If someone asks me to go out to eat or for drinks and I know that I can’t afford it that particular week, I tell them the truth – that I absolutely have no money that week, then make plans for the next week. It’s hard and I hate missing an opportunity to socialize, but I refuse to add more to my credit card when it’s not necessary.
Excellent post!
While I won’t spend if I can’t, I do often spend when I don’t need to, just because someone wants me to. Food is the biggest issue, but it’s actually probably even with other things: shopping, going to a show (just went to Wicked b/c my friend wanted to), travel.
On one hand, I should be smarter. On the other, I don’t want to be so selfish that I forget about others’ desires.
And then there’s the whole how-do-I-push-others thing. Like the same friend who wanted to see Wicked had to go out to eat this weekend, several times, b/c I wanted to, when we could’ve just eaten at home.
Very interesting thoughts.
This is something I’ve been thinking about. I’m not a good socializer at work so I invited everyone to lunch on Friday. So I’ve basically set myself up for spending money I shouldn’t be just to socialize and network, doing the same onto other people. But my problem is food – eating out. A lot of my coworkers don’t bother to cook and bring lunch. So they always ask me to eat out with them telling me I’ve worked hard and earned a good meal out. And the meals out aren’t that great, are extremely salty or just don’t sit right.
A few weeks ago my friends wanted to have lunch and then go shop at the pricey boutiques. I had to decline because I couldn’t afford to eat out again.
I don’t know if this comment even makes any sense but it’s something I’ve thought about a lot.
This has so been on my brain the past few days! I think it’s the holidays that make it hard for me–and the pressure is worse than ever. I feel pressure to go to more events, more happy hours, buy more gifts…it’s really hard on my budget. It’s like, I can plan on spending with my friends about once a week–but beyond that, I’m out of my budget. Lately, there have been things almost every night that I could go to with my friends, but I simply can’t afford it.
Great post.
I am always being pressured to spend money–eating out is a real cultural phenomenon where I live. Co-workers want to go out to lunch, church groups want to go out to eat after church, volunteer groups I’m in want to go out after our night meetings. And on and on.
When it’s people you know and are close to, you often need to be honest and/or reschedule as Stephanie talks about above. You can’t just go out every time you have the opportunity.
But lately I am really trying to branch out and meet some new friends, so I have made a deal with myself to not turn down any invitations for awhile. This is with regard to people I don’t know well enough to invite over or suggest we do something random and cheap. I have made an executive decision that it’s better for my health and self-esteem to blow the going out budget a little if I can make some friends out of it. But I do try to order appetizers and cheaper drinks.
I agree with other comments- eating out is quite a pressure! It is a real social event for me and quite often is involved in visiting friends, especially since many live an hour or more away from me so one of us travels to have a visit and we make it last. The pressure goes both ways for sure.
There are lots of babies coming up in friends lives too and there is pressure to spend- but I do it because I want to as well of course
I have one friend I can be completely honest with about money- we both will say if we can’t afford it. But I find it hard to be honest with others sometimes, silly isn’t it?
Wow, lots of great comments!
To Stephanie, and others–I agree; when I can’t afford to go out, I usually just say I can’t afford it or make other excuses. For me, the bigger issue comes with “Event Going Out,” such as those for birthdays, celebrations, and tough times. I always feel bad saying no when it comes to those.
And Ms. M&P–The holidays always make it hard for me, too. I always tend to overspend.
This year, though, I’ve got a serious plan, and by and large I’m sticking to it. (So far.)
I totally relate. I’m at an entry-level salary and am already trying so hard to shop and eat out less, but I’m constantly pressured by friends and co-workers to spend money on food and drinks. It’s so hard to stay no, especially when you feel like you’ll be missing out or look bad by not going, or by going and not eating or drinking. Thank goodness a lot of my good friends are in the same boat and will agree to just hanging out at a coffee shop or one of our houses, but I have many other friends who are still supported by their parents (or are earning a lot more and don’t realize I’m not) and just don’t get it!