It’s been a crazy few days around here! First, after all that spending Friday night, I slept most of Saturday and then went running on Sunday, only to feel the beginnings of shin splints. (Yuck!) Stretch, massage, stretch, and I went running again Monday, feeling a little better. The good news? All that running, stretching, et al, has me so busy I haven’t spent very much money.
Then, yesterday, I brought on a huge new client (largest for my division ever) and so I’ll get a huge commission ($3k before taxes) at the end of September or October. That will be awesome, being able to knock off a huge swath of my credit card debt at once.
Meanwhile, though, my closest friends at work are in a different division, one that is seeing an incredible level of stress right now. It should settle down some starting next week, but for this week, it’s really tough watching my friends go through so much stress. Especially when I have (relatively) little stress at work right now. 
The interesting thing that I’ve found about that situation is that I have a tendency to want to spend money on my stressed-out friends, buy them drinks or lunch or something, just to let them know that I love them and appreciate them. I bought my closest friend lunch at Subway yesterday, and then offered to buy him Starbucks this morning, and he said, “You can’t keep treating me!” It’s funny, because until he pointed it out, I didn’t even notice.
All that has me thinking overall about my spending patterns. I definitely spend money on people I love to “treat” them to symbols of how much I care. Much of this debt I’m carrying is a result of the money I spent on my sister’s wedding, trying to make everything perfect. Again, I’ll say it: I don’t regret spending the money, but it’s interesting that I feel so much guilt when I buy myself something (like photography equipment), and so little guilt when I buy others things.
I know it sounds like I’m being generous, but is it really generosity, or something else deep down that I want to please them? Something for me to think about…
It’s always rough when you find out something about your spending triggers…good luck over coming this one…
I’m the same way with gifts! I didn’t even realize it until I created my budget a few months ago. Gifts was my largest non-essential category–sometimes hundreds of dollars a month. Once I realized that, I cut down on offering to get the bill and on buying pricy gifts. I don’t know what I’ll do around Christmas time, but for now my spending is down. I think the reason I spent like that is just because I’m a people pleaser and I like to give things to show I care. It makes me feel kind of cheap, but I’m trying to just tell people I care instead. It’s free, and they seem to appreciate it.
Congrats on the bonus! That’s super!
In a way, it’s great you’ve realized this trigger for spending. Now you can control it… a little bit, maybe? Instead of spending, maybe you can have wine over at your house or have a mani-pedi night?
Just an idea!
MGB
I agree with MissGoldBug. It’s always good to get those insights about your spending. We all have our weaknesses (mine are definitly of a more selfish variety though!).
You might associate money with love and affection–and that’s good. A lot of people hate money or fear it. You see it as a way to help, to bless, to comfort. Many people do the same thing with food (especially in the south where I’m from). Actually, now that I mention it, you might be feeling the food thing too. Both your spending examples in this category were food related. Maybe we all use food as a comfort! In which case you can bake someone a big plate of cookies instead for like $3.
Thanks, everyone! I think recognizing this spending trigger is the first step to stopping the bleeding, so to speak.
SavingDiva–Thanks, I think I’ll need all the luck I can get to overcome this one!
Ms. M&P–That’s great! It’s so good to know that other people are out there struggling with the same stuff, and you’re such an inspiration in this area. Thanks for sharing.
MissGoldBug–You’re absolutely right. I’m trying to make plans with people now that involve me doing nice little things for people (writing a note, lending a DVD) instead of spending money.
MEG–OMG, you’ve just hit on my “other” little problem: I am also from the south, and food is completely my way of showing affection.
[...] I don’t have to purchase any new, expensive photography equipment. In fact, if I get my big bonus in September, I’ll be able to do a lot more than $1000, but just in case it doesn’t come [...]
[...] I wrote about overspending on my friends, I had a couple of “Aha!” moments. The first came as I [...]